I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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