toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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