perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
