census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He better not be in your backpack
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize