need another drink. this is the easiest way
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
