If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I puked a lego.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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