I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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