So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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