Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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