Can Purell be used as lube?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
