turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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