I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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