Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
