well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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