Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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