I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
