so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
