I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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