i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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