I want to walk on stilts...naked
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
