youre lurking in front of me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
