i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think weed is turning my hair brown
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just gargled with NyQuil
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
