She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
