Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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