Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
