I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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