Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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