it hurts more in the daytime
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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