If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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