Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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