he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
