Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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