i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
