It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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