How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
