i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
