i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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