Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
