He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
