So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize