I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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