I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize