I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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