No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
