This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
