My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
