This dress was meant to end up on your floor
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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