I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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