fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
