i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
