I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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