after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
