So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
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Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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