i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
