Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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