My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
